Crazy Bear and Ragged Staff - Outings - Berkeley - 2002

2002

Memories of Berkeley 2002 are fading as I type. Now most reports concentrate on the games, but I will ignore them pretty much for the following reasons. Firstly they bore me stupid. Secondly I had a standing army of 10 riders and a hero meaning that allied with my tactical ineptness I lost, repeatedly and badly. Thirdly according to the author of the rules HOTT is basically a puzzle with a single solution and that ticks me off like anything.

Never talked as much about HOTT as I did on the journey back with Roger. Riders are shite, or maybe not but they did loose all four games (The Bad Ass Biker Bastards are 10 Riders + Hero). Comment from RBS during weekend, misquoted and out of context no doubt.

"I don't really like riders or knights."

Hmmm, might explain a few things such as why the two troop types are so bad.

I went down gloriously rarely lasting more than 10 minutes but the Whores of the Things army did come good preventing Elrond from making it to the knocking shop despite all his efforts, he pushed the Whore with the Heart of Gold and Rollerblading Whores back five times before the Gimp Suited Whores got in as an overlap and he went down in a whelter of baby oil and attached surgical appliances.

Greatest regret I never got to play James Fanatical Puritans with the Whores of the Things surely a match made in ... most gamers nightly dreams

Although using James' Nazis I managed a rider based victory as Richard's Northern Barbarians couldn't head them off at the pass before they hit the stronghold, idly dispatching a hero on the way. A great cinematic game.

Against Steve I lost in so spectacular a fashion it was just like a Wednesday night at home, Steve was using less than half his brain, as he was too concerned with the computer malfunction, but that was more than enough to deal with me.

Against the Funky Death Mice in Grahem's hands all was going to plan beautifully. I was ripping the hole in his ranks for the Rider general to make his run on the Stronghold with two Riders in support. His Magician was lured out on a flank and unable to support. His behemoth was Barkered to Buggery. Just one unit stood between me and total victory only a 1-6 could stop me. "I'm playing to win" I announced gleefully. Need I say more. I lost.

I did finish the two strongholds during play just in time for the last round and I did enjoy the whole thing, especially with 8 points at the end of the first day. In fact I enjoyed it more than last year and have started on the Army for Berkeley 2003, the first figure is cut up on the work bench as we speak.

My advice to James is to start on his Berkeley Army now for 2003 before either his new squeeze Rachel discovers the Street Whore pack he took as his raffle prize or he dies from exploding ears the next time he's accused of enjoying oral sex in an Indian restaurent.

Possibly the fastest game on record as two elements of beasts run after bikes and drag them down.
A lone rider slipping through on a capture the stronghold mission the only battle plan that makes any sense.	Meanwhile Bikers die in screaming hordes to the Funky Death Mice, if only they could hold on but they can't.
But once in a blue moon it all comes together, the bikers excel at picking off anything that strays out of the main battle line, obviously I was just about to roll a 1.
What a beautiful army and what a cinematic moment, on mature reflection my favourite matched armies.
Using James Ewins' Panzerkreig army I show how to use riders to best effect. A delaying force in the middle distract my opponent whilst the bikers ride hell for leather for the stronghold a hero in pursuit who they promptly recoil into impassable terrain. Nothing can stop them now, nothing did.
My pool army, because they have bikini's on, these lasses turned out to be extremely good at kicking Elven butt. Good fun to paint too.
"You shall not pass." but what you can't see on the background is Elrond sneaking round the side on his way to the knocking shop, however he was dealt with when fighting against The Whore with the Heart of Gold and Rollerblading Whores he was taken in the side by Gimp Suited Whores.
The Home Guard a nice traditional fantasy army.
I could have done this army but glad I didn't because it did win Best Painted Army and Most Unusual Army for Ken.
This is Roger Court's happy face. He is losing, he knows it and yet what can he do. Note Nymphs vs Whores a very popular match up.	Thomo fills in another defeat but managed to carry off the prestigious "Person you would most like as your Mother or Sister" award.
This man is very much the step father of HOTT, whilst RBS and PB may have supplied the genetic material it is in Alan's stern but fair parenting role that the damn thing shines. In this case thank god that Nurture has won over Nature.	Note the intense concentration on Steve's face. Is he worrying that the software is shagged beyond belief and his tournament will have to be faked, "Richard Bodly Scott vs Sebastian Rogers, shurely shome mishtake", or is he planning to slip an extra habanero into Alan's cocoa?